NEIL COWMEADOW - THE EXPERT GUITAR TEACHER IN TELFORD. GUITAR TEACHER AND AUTHOR. GUITAR LESSONS THAT WORK! DEDICATED TO TEACHING SINCE 1999 - ACCELERATED LEARNING TECHNIQUES: LEARN FASTER, PLAY BETTER, AND UNDERSTAND...

Same Difference...

The Thursday Thesis  - 22/02/2018


We humans are a contradictory lot, aren’t we?

As a race we are always saying one thing and doing something completely different.

Fickle, fickle, fickle!

We have an inbuilt drive to experience change, novelty, difference – it’s human nature.

Of course this manifests itself in unexpected ways: nothing is ever as straightforward as it seems the moment humans start getting involved.

But here’s the thing: if you have lots of change you’ll crave a change away from change. Anyone who experiences massive ongoing change will begin to seek stability and sameness.

You just can’t please some people...

So there’s a sort-of continuum in human behaviour – an imaginary line – with the need for change at one end and the need for sameness at the opposite end; and whichever end of the continuum you are on, your chances of success are low as you shuttle repeatedly from one end to the other, trying to satisfy both needs.

As you and I both know, chopping and changing reduces our chances of success, be it living more healthily, building a business, or learning to play a musical instrument. The constant flitting from one bright-shiny new thing to the next is a dead-certain way to never achieve very much, as every switch incurs a time-cost whilst preliminaries are completed and new skills are learned.

In a contrary way, too much sameness can be a massive contributing factor to failure: we simply get bored and lose interest.

So how do we come to terms with these opposing behaviours?

How do we stay interested and have enough variety whilst simultaneously staying focused on our
One Big Thing?

The answer is to fold the change-sameness continuum in half, so that both ends point the same way.

Now your sameness and difference needs are aligned. And that’s the magic trick: make sure that everything you do is congruent and consistent with your values and your One Big Thing.

It’s that simple, and it’s that complex.

Within the limits of whatever it is you most want to do, you have absolute freedom to do different activities, to experiment and explore – as long as you stay in line with your One Big Thing.

The penny dropped with me when I realised that everything I do is aimed at helping people.

When I’m teaching guitar, I’m aiming to save people years of precious time, frustration and self-doubt. That’s the real, deep-down goal – I suppose you could say that the guitar is the means to that end.

When I’m with my coaching clients I’m helping them to change their lives for the better, relieve their pain, release them from some constraint.

Likewise, when I’m working with business owners to grow their businesses, I’m helping them to get past their sticking-points or to change their perspectives so that they can better serve more people by solving their customers’ problems.

My property business provides safe, secure homes for people in the long-term. Families need not worry about the house being sold from under their feet on a landlord’s whim, because my business exit strategy is death!

And when I write a book, a special report, or even this blog post, I’m not writing to show off or make myself look good - I’m trying to pass on something that’s helped me, in the hope it will help another person. Perhaps it will help you or someone you share it with.

So everything adds up to just two things - just five words. Those five words have been the first line in my daily journal every day for three years: “have fun and help people”.

Everything points one way, but there is always enough variety to prevent me from ever getting bored.

And if I can “have fun and help people” every day then I will consider myself successful and that my life will have been well-lived, assuming I manage to live long enough to offset all the stupid, hurtful and selfish things I used to do!

So, what’s your One Big Thing?

What gets you excited, keeps you awake and buzzing deep into the night?

Figure that out and you’ll have the consistency that you need. Do different things which all serve your mission and you’ll have all the variety you need to keep the fire in your soul burning, day after day, year after year.

It’s all different, and yet it’s all just the same.

Just like me and just like you.

 
© Neil Cowmeadow 2018
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Neil@cowtownguitars.net

The Thursday Thesis  - 15/02/2018

When credible Professionals call someone Obsessive-Compulsive and then expect them to be able to change it’s a really stupid plan, don’t you think?

Yet that’s the kind of conventional psycho-twaddle we are expected to believe will make us better, more “normal” – whatever that is.

I’ve already discussed why “normal” is bollocks in earlier posts, so I’ll give you a reminder of the take-homes about normal:

• Normal is someone else’s idea of a good thing
  
• Being normal means being ordinary and/or average
  
• Normal is beige. But – given the choice - wouldn’t you rather be magenta, turquoise or vermillion? How about scintillating and rainbow-iridescent?
  
• Normal is an acceptable level of compliance.

So, if someone you respect or believe tells you that you’re OCD, you might want to not accept their diagnosis.

I’ve even heard tell that some parents say this to their kids, believe it or not.

It’s like you’ve won the lottery or something... Congratulations – you are OCD!

But here’s the thing about a diagnosis or a label for a condition: believing in it and complying with it.

The moment you accept the condition and start telling everyone about your disorder or – better still – your fancy-sounding syndrome, you’ll start to act it out.

The more you research it, the better actor you’ll become: the longer you practice, the more type cast the role becomes for you.

Listen, if you’re going to obsess about something, at least man-up and get serious about something more bloody important than how many coloured pencils are in the cup on your desk or how many birds are on the fence.

Of all the fascinating, dynamic and fun things people could obsess over, why is it so often the trivial and irrelevant minutiae that fixates?

This makes OCD about as trivial as any other hobby, sort-of like trainspotting but without the upside of permitting anorak-wearing.

Did you know that anoraknaphobia is an irrational fear of trainspotters?

I guess I’m ranting about this because last week I decided to challenge my students and clients who declared themself to be OCD: the results were fascinating...Cures took less than a minute for the youngsters, because they haven’t had as much practice as the adults, who took a little longer.

Thinking positively about OCD: could it be the making of you if you focused it on something that mattered more than how many times you flipped the light-switch before bedtime?

If you really must have a condition, disorder or diagnosis I think you owe it to yourself to challenge it, defeat it or utilise it.

Sharp Dressed Man...

The Thursday Thesis  - 08/02/2018


Steve Jobs was never known for being well-dressed, was he?

The Apple founder was invariably seen wearing jeans and a black turtleneck jumper, sort of scruffy, but very much in keeping with Steve Jobs’ projected personality.

Why would such a successful entrepreneur wear the same clothes every day for most of his life?

Where are the gorgeously tailored Armani suits, the hand-stitched shoes and mega-dollar watches?

Not a trace of them.

Now here’s the thing: Jobs was both making a statement and defining himself. Effectively he’s saying “here I am, I’m not interested in conforming to how you expect me to be: you must accept me on MY terms”.

It ties into Apple’s famous “Think Different” ad campaign, as Jobs defies the conventional image of a corporate success.

But the real power of that turtleneck is what it gave Steve every single morning: clarity.

You see, selecting an outfit from a huge wardrobe takes a certain amount of effort – it’s actually a stressor.

Steve Jobs was savvy enough to know that his finite attention was too precious to squander it on the trivialities of how he dressed from one day to the next, so he made a strategic decision to only buy blue jeans and black turtlenecks.

That turtleneck eventually became a part of Jobs’ personal brand – it shows up in almost every photograph of the guy.

Inevitably, I decided to try out having my own dress code for a little while...

All of my T-shirts went into black bags for the trial, and were replaced by 6 long-sleeved grey jerseys and 6 grey T-shirts – nothing fancy, just Marks and Sparks’ own brands.

The first few days were strange – the drawer missed my brightly coloured T-shirts, and I was close to rummaging in the black bags for that red shirt I love. But, in the name of research, I stuck with it – even though it was weird.

After just one week I found myself relieved that I didn’t have to think about what to wear. Now I just open the drawer, take out a grey jersey, and get on with the day – it’s so easy.

Bizarrely, having a huge choice of colourful T-shirts was actually a bad thing; and having no choice was a very good thing.

Steve Jobs was no dummy, was he?
 

The Power of No...

The Thursday Thesis  - 01/02/2018

There are some very powerful words in the English language. Some words are almost guaranteed to soothe, others to anger, and some to outrage.

But there’s this one little word – NO - that seems uniquely powerful when it comes to creating a state of fear in us.

It’s the fear of no which makes asking someone out on a date such a big deal. We know – deep down – that he/she is not currently part of our lives, so the only real risk is that they will remain that way. Yet we prevaricate and flounce around the issue, summoning up our courage and bracing ourselves for rejection.

“What if she says NO?” we wonder...

Dude - if she says NO - it’s no biggie, ok?

So she says NO and there’s no change in the world as I know it: what was all that worrying about?

Tragically, I know one woman who is so afraid of hearing NO at some time in the future that she flees every relationship that’s going well!

So much for romance and rejection, then.

But what about when people ask us to do something we don’t want to do?

We know we don’t want to do it, but we often cave-in to their demand and say yes, just to be nice.

Now, I think this is both odd and ludicrous. Saying yes to what someone else wants might mean that we have to say no to what we want, perhaps even violate our own moral code.

In this situation we might start to worry that the other person might fall out with us if we don’t go along with their request, even though it is not in our best interest or attuned to our values.

Personally, if someone will fall out with me because I won’t go along with something that is anathema to me, they’re probably not the best sort of person for me to be hanging out with anyway.

The flipside of fearing NO is equally powerful: just say NO.

As soon as you learn to harness the power of NO, you have control of your own time, lifestyle and, perhaps, even your destiny.

Say NO to what is not in your best interest, and you can say YES to what is.

Say NO to what you don’t want, and you gain the ability to say YES to what you do want.

When was the last time you said NO to anything?

And what are you doing, today, that would you like to say NO to?

It’s your call.